A Nest of Phoenixes
by batman100
Summary: Inspired by RW's X Marks the Scott. Forge has rebuilt his duplicate gun. His new guinea pig: Jean Grey! Oh Lord...
1. Chapter 1

**A Nest of Phoenixes**

**A/N: Thanks a bunch to Red Witch for inspiring this!**

"Forge…We had this happen with Scott, you knew we **had** to destroy the blasted thing, but now…is this **really** a good idea to test it **again**?" Jean protested as she, Scott, Rogue, Kurt, Peter, and Ororo were in the lab as Forge held his duplication pistol out

"Just need to find a suitable target" Forge muttered as he looked through the pistol's infrared scopes before it auto-locked on Jean "Aha! Gotcha!"

"Got who with the what now?" Jean asked before hearing a loud ZAP and seeing a green glow radiating from her body "Oh Lord…. FORGE!"

"Oops" Forge winced as Jean angrily strangled him

"When this thing wears off, you're dead! You hear me?! **DEAD!**" Jean roared ferociously, barking madly

"Uh, should I do something?" Peter whimpered

"Hey, you wanna handle Ms. Psychopath over there, be my guest. Don't come crying to me if she does that Ozzie Nelson move again" Rogue snorted.

"Here we go again. I swear, didn't Forge **ever** learn his lesson after he used that on me?" Scott shouted

"Hey, hey! It was an accident! And besides, you know these mad scientist things usually tend to happen!" Kitty hesitated before a large beam of light shone through the mansion; it cleared only to reveal five, **five** separate Jeans.

"Oh…" Scott started

"…*Dear*" Kurt ended as the X-Men were in awe over the Jean clones. One wore what looked like a loincloth and a Vikings armor suit. The second had a long ponytail, with cowboy boots and wearing a duster jacket. The third was dressed like a mob girl, with a long, red skintight leather dress and high heels. The fourth (and the **real** Jean) was wearing the same clothes as before. And the fifth…however, had her X-Men uniform, but….the **right** half of her was some robot, cyborg-like body.

"Human wasteland sustainable. Prototypes responding to retaliate" Terminator Jean responded, aiming her hook-claw sword at a terrified Kurt

"G-g—g-get away from me!" Kurt stammered as Terminator Jean plucked a bit of fur from Kurt's head

"OUCH!" Kurt screamed as Terminator Jean examined the sample

"Analysis of human tissue: Conclusive. Positive chance of possible fusion with technoorganics" Terminator Jean stated

"Whoa, chill out there, dudette! Let the blue man be! Can ya dig it?" Rockstar Jean protested, defending Kurt

"Nice loft. Where do you keep the Scotch and gin?" Call Girl Jean whispered as Scott's eyes were intensely gazed on her equally…realistic body

"The term 'dudette' does acknowledge. How very 'radical', you Californian human prototypes pronounce it" Terminator Jean stated as Rockstar Jean responded with the peace sign

"You pardners got any porks and beans 'round these parts?" Texas Jean asked in a fashioned accent as Rogue eyed her strangely

"Where the hell are you guys…*girls* from anyway?" Rogue barked, astonished by Texas Jean's obliviousness to the modern natures of society

"I usually hitchhike. But not alone" Call Girl Jean joked, going through her "little black book" of clients

"Energy circuits dropping. Need sustainable organic food. Prototype Rockstar Module: Direct me to food energy power source" Terminator Jean instructed as Kurt and Rockstar Jean followed

"Ok... so there's a cowboy me, a mobster me, a rockstar/eighties girl me, a Vikings me…and a Terminator me. What else is new?" Jean asked, aghast in thought at the sight of her own duplicates, each sharing Jean's own personality and likes. Jean's look of confusion turned into a look of savage ferocity when she saw Forge

"FIX THIS! **IMMEDIATELY!**" Jean roared, thundering as Forge scrambled out of the lab in a flash

"This actually doesn't seem **that** big of a deal. What could go wrong?" Kitty asked rhetorically, before seeing the fiery, carnivorous glare Jean gave her "What?"

Later that day…

"Human development transfusion: Complete. Entering human stasis" Terminator Jean announced as the robotic half of her body blended completely with her human half, and in a matter of seconds, Terminator Jean was thus transformed into…Jean Grey Model .1

"How'd she do that? Can-can she still process her robot powers?" Kurt asked in wonder as Lance came up to get a closer look. At that instant, Jean's eyes opened, and switched from robotic red photoreceptor eyes…to her bright green ones as before.

"Amazing. Tell me. Is this possible for a mutant to know this power?" Lance proposed

"Stick with me, Lance, and I'll teach you everything…" Jean Model .1 replied, smiling as she embraced her newfound protégé

"Grab your partner and swing around, get in line and don't slip and slide. Yee-haw!" Texas Jean chorused as the X-Men and the New Mutants participated in a barn dance at the gym. Coincidentally, none of the X-Men found this to be a problem. In fact, the X-Men were starting to think, maybe…maybe the Jean clones…*could* be of some use.

"Do you still need me to get you back to normal?" Forge asked Jean as she and Scott were waltzing on the dance floor

"No way Jose" Scott answered with his trademark goofy look and continued dancing the night away


	2. Chapter 2

**The Good, the Crazy, and the Phoenix**

**A/N: A continuation of 'Nest of Phoenixes' TWICE sillier than the first one! Enjoy! Be warned: You may laugh yourself silly**

"Could someone **please** fix the recorder? It's been playing this weird Norwegian music nonstop?!" Rogue hollered as she was taking her shower before ducking as an axe went crashing through the window

"WHO'S THE DAMN MORON THAT DENTED MY BIKE WITH THIS AXE?!" Logan thundered, barging in the mansion, carrying the weapon…and holding a bag of aspirin on his forehead

"One guess" Kurt moaned, directing Logan's attention to Viking Jean, who was currently dueling Scott in a Viking-style swordfight

"Ha! Your sword skills are no far equal to mine, American!" Viking Jean boasted as she sliced through the curtains, aiming for Scott

"Yeah? Try parrying *this*!" Scott replied, firing his crossbow, which missed Viking Jean and landed on Logan's buttocks

"YEOW! MY ASS IS ON FIRE!" Logan roared, clutching his butt in pain as Kurt and the X-Gang cackled in amusement "I SUPPOSE YOU IDIOTS THINK THIS IS **FUNNY**?"

"Oh man, that's hilarious! I should've done that a **long** time ago!" Scott chuckled, as Viking Jean poured him a pub of Heineken

"Gloat all you want, laughing boy. But when I get this thing outa my ass, it's definitely not gonna be a **laughing** matter!" Logan snarled, not seeing a snickering Jean sneak up behind him "Hey! What the hell are you doing?"

"Just hold still" Jean giggled, trying hard to keep a straight face as she grabbed the arrow tip

"Red…*What* are you up to? You know, you've been around Mr. Pranks a Lot **too** long. Don't tell me **you** too have fallen victim to his complete, inane idiocy" Logan grumbled as Jean got a full grip

"Hee hee" Jean cackled maniacally, just about to remove the arrow

"Jean? I can hear you laughing. You're up to something. I **know** it!" Logan hissed, but too late before

"Um…looking for **this**?" Jean teased, dangling the arrow in her hand with a deranged, uber-insane smile on her face

"You…*didn't*" Logan growled, his claws poised

"Oh, you had **no** idea how **long** I've wanted to do that. It was kinda funny" Jean replied, before throwing her head back and laughing maniacally

"Ok…*this* is pretty creepy" Kurt commented, watching Jean cackle

"Yeah, whatever. Excuse me while I call Arkham." Rogue grumbled, dialing the phone, covering her ears as Jean's cackling echoed throughout the mansion

"Who says laughter is **contagious**?" Scott asked to the audience, grinning insanely


	3. Chapter 3

**Necessity is the Phoenix of Chaos**

It was a peaceful morning at the X-Mansion estate, Jean was currently relaxing on her velvet couch, dreaming of being on a Hawaiian beach, sipping a tropical drink with Scott, palm trees swaying in the winds, hula music playing in the sands, everything sounded like pure melody

"Hey Jean! Jean! Wake up!" Scott said, in a voice that sounded a lot like Kitty

"Oh Scott, touch me, hold me, make me feel beautiful…" Jean muttered in her sleep, obviously having not snapped out of her trance and started touching Kitty, imagining her for her husband, who was not in the room

"Uh, Jean? What are you doing? And second of all, I'm not Scott. It's me, Kitty." Kitty blushed, embarrassed as Jean started kissing her slippers

"What the?" Logan asked, with a disgusted look on his face, having wandered into the commotion. Kurt was there, trying to keep a straight face while recording the bizarre event on his mini-camera

"Waiter, oh waiter, two more tropical vodkas…" Jean called out dazed, mistaking Logan for a beach servant

"What the hell do I look like, a maitre'd?" Logan spat, insulted by the insane remark

"Easy Logan, Jean's just having one of her crazy Scott fantasies again, unlike **last time** she did that…" Lance grimaced, remembering the 'Valentine's Day' incident

"Lance, that was several months ago! And Jean was drunk, because **somebody** had to pour hashish into the punch bowl!" Rogue hissed, glaring at a sheepish Logan

"Oh come on now, it was an accident! I still say the labels for the ingredients were switched!" Logan confessed, as Jean now started undressing Kitty

"Jean, what are you **doing**? Have you been eating beef burritos before bed again?" Kitty gasped as Jean started kissing her forehead

"Oh really Scott, you've never been **this** much romantic…" Jean giggled, waving her elegant red hair as the entire X-Men gathered around at the spectacle

"I've seen several Jean-Scott dates before, but let me tell you, none like **that**." Remy gasped in disgust

"Popcorn?" Logan snickered, handing a bowl of popcorn to Bobby, who naturally took it with his carefree grin

"Bobby, what's the matter with you? Have you no decency over this?!" Rogue snapped, trying to get to Bobby's ice-cold common sense, fogged with frolic, silliness and carefree recklessness

"Uh, I'll take US Presidents for five hundred, Alex." Bobby blubbered, lost in thought as the X-Gang stared at him in astonishment "What?"

"Man…what in the **hell**!" Logan spat, as Bobby continued munching on his food

"I can guess one thing: when the **real** Scott sees this, he's definitely **not** going to like this." Kurt whimpered, as ironically, Scott's X-Car was parking by the garage

"Oh come on, cant you see this is some comedy act?" Logan snorted before Kitty shrieked

"a **comedy act**?! How dare you! Since when do you call a female having a fetish fantasy using a second female for a puppet!?" Kitty barked, outraged

"And on that note, it may make some good money." Logan grinned, dollar signs in his eyes

"You're sick, you know that." Kitty snorted in disgust as Jean's eyes finally opened and her senses came flooding back

"What in…Kitty…what happened last night?" Jean asked, having woken from her bizarre hypnotic state, only to see the X-Gang with embarrassed looks….and the **real** Scott, apparently shocked and strangely amused by the events

"Well Ms. Virtual Reality Romance, your **real** loverboy is here." Kitty muttered, before her eyes went wide as Scott burst into laughter

"Scott! How **could** you?! You find this FUNNY?!" Kitty hollered in horror

"Oh man, that was hilarious! That-that was so funny! I think we did that on our anniversary, right honey snuggles?" Scott replied as Jean stared back at him with lovesick eyes

"Well, what can I say, out of the frying pan and into the fire…" Rogue groaned before noticing Pyro

"Did someone say fire?!" Pyro yelped gleefully, whipping out his flamethrower

"Oh no, not **again**…" Kitty blubbered as she watched her beloved poinsettias plants go up in smoke, thanks to Pyro's fire packs

"Hey, that gives me an idea…" Bobby joked, having that silly look on his face

"OH NO YOU DON'T! NO SINGING!" Logan roared, before Bobby stuffed a frozen turkey into his mouth

"_I'm Mister White Christmas, I'm Mister Snow! I'm Mister Icicle! I'm Mister Ten Below! They call me Snow Miser, whatever I touch, turns to snow in my clutch. I'm too much!_" Bobby sang gleefully as Jamie and his clones did a tap-dance routine to the beat

"This…proves…*nothing*." Logan grunted, spitting out frozen pieces of meat

"_He's Mister White Christmas, he's Mister Snow._" The Jamie clones chorused

"_That's right!_" Jean chimed in, wearing a snow queen-dressed outfit

"JEAN! Have you gone **nuts**? Get back here! And get rid of that ridiculous outfit!" Logan screamed

"_He's Mister Icicle, he's Mister Ten Below._" Jean crooned as Bobby struck an Elvis-like pose

"Oh you've got to be joking…" Warren groaned, rolling his eyes

"Well Scott, congratulations: Your craziness has finally made Red go off the deep end." Logan snorted as Scott tapped his feet to the beat

"_They call me Snow Miser, whatever I touch, turns to snow in my clutch. I'm too much._" Bobby belted out, as Jean planted a wintery smooch on his cheek

"Ok that does it! Come here Frosty, I'll give you **something** to sing about!" Logan snarled, charging before Jean threw a snowball, smacking Logan in the face

"How do you like those apples?" Jean snickered hysterically

"Grrr…that's it! Come here, you snow crazies!" Logan roared, his berserk state taking over

"Tag! You're it!" Jean yelped playfully, freezing Logan's feet

"You've been hanging around that eggnog for **too** long, Red!" Logan ranted, chasing after Jean, Bobby and the Jamie clones as the X-Gang watched in amusement

"Never thought I'd see the day Jean would finally lighten up." Victor replied, astonished by Jean's sudden change of personality

"Tell me about it, no thanks to Mr. King of Pranks over here." Rogue snorted, as Scott just watched with a huge smile as Jean finally accepted his happiness energy

"Well, I think we learned something from all this…" Scott grinned, hiding a well-crafted snowball behind his back

"And what sort of cockamamie lesson is **that**?" Rogue grunted before Scott splattered a snowball on Rogue

"Happiness is contagious!" Scott joked, laughing maniacally as Rogue chased after him, shouting nonsense

"Get back here! One of these days, your silly pranks will drive us all **crazy**!" Rogue ranted, out of breath as Scott raced past her, full of energy and vigor

"Well…looks like Christmas joy is around, eh?" Kurt asked as Peter watched the events unfold

"Very true, buddy. Very true." Peter replied, before turning to Kurt "Come on, let's do some snowboarding."

"I thought you'd never ask." Kurt smiled, holding his snowboard as the two walked out into the snowy yard, not noticing the familiar spiky blond-haired figure watching them on the roof

"Gosh, I love Christmas." Goku smiled, giving the camera a wink


	4. Chapter 4

**Phoenix Insomniac**

It was a cold brisk Sunday afternoon at the X-Mansion, and everything was energetic and beautiful

"Uggh…" Jean moaned

Well, almost everything…

"Jean still has that insomnia thing? Huh, I thought that was temporary." Lance noted, observing Jean's restless state on the security camera in the central control office with Scott, Kurt, Tabitha and Peter in tow

"Just how in the heck does she get like this anyway? That's been on my mind ever since that fiasco at Las Vegas in the last story." Kurt piped up

"You still remember that? All **I** ever heard was a loud animalistic roar, some people either cheering wildly or running for cover, and I distinctly recall Remy making a rather crazy parking spot in the slot machine area, nearly running over poor Jean in the process!" Tabitha ranted

"How'd you notice all of a sudden? All you did during the trip was snooze, eat, drink caffeine twenty-four/seven, oh and also using up all the hot water." Rogue remarked

"Hey, cmon now! Even my time bombs need refueling now and then with some hot water!" Tabitha snapped

"She has a point." Peter commented as Scott watched the scene

"I mean seriously, Rogue, what else did you want me to do? Use sun block on my skin instead? That'd be doing something out of them crazy survival reality shows, for cryin out loud!" Tabitha ranted

"Oh boy, I can see where **this** is going…" Rogue rolled her eyes in boredom

"Tell me about it. It's kinda funny, you know." Scott snickered, with a goofy look on his face

"You've been around with Bobby too long, bub. Keep it up and maybe that so-called hot blooded visor may start turning ice blue…if you get my drift." Logan grunted

"Be that as it may, might we focus on Jean rather than continue this senseless debate? It's making my brain scramble. And I don't mean like a pinball machine!" Rogue blubbered insanely

"Since when did **you** become a pinball historian?" Kurt asked observingly

"Do brains look and taste like bubble gum?" Rogue snapped sarcastically

"Ask a stupid question…" Scott groaned, slapping his forehead

"Reindeers on the pool hole! This missile will conflagrate in seven decimeters!" Jean babbled, as she stumbled into the office, looking bleary and with bloodshot eyes

"Ok, remind me again **why** did I let Jean be in charge of the X-Mansion again?" Scott asked

"You're asking **me**?!" Logan grouched, watching Jean's delirious state

"Uggh…wanna feel high…high up in the air…"Jean rambled insanely

"Does the words 'Do Not do Drugs' mean **anything** in that clouded up brain of yours?!" Rogue grouched

"Who are you?" Jean asked dazedly

"Oh great. First Jean loses sleep, **now** she's completely lost her marbles. What's next: She digs up the Titanic?!" Rogue grumbled

"Now Rogue; Jean is in an inebriated state, but the chances of sobriety are useful. We have to wait before she regains function." Scott noted

"What's inebriate? Isn't that like an invertebrate?" Jean asked, with a goofy confused look

"This may take a lot of work…" Peter groaned

"Oh come on, what can go wrong?" Scott asked rhetorically

One minute later…

"You just **can't** keep your mouth shut, cant you?" Logan barked as the X-Gang watched Jean slumber on the couch, her body slouched on the top and the bottom half

"How much tranquilizers did you use to keep Ms. Astro Nut in snooze mode?" Rogue asked

"Forty." Forge answered

"Oh you've got to be joking: Since when the bloody hell do you use forty lousy darts against Jean, who's acting like a character out of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas!" Rogue snapped

"I loved that movie." Scott replied, having that goofy look again

"Stow it cyke." Logan grumbled

"Urrgh…must jump over the hill…Alderaan…need the Dagobah system…" Jean mumbled in her sleep

"What the hell is she blubbering about?!" Rogue barked

"Oh we were watching Star Wars while on our Caribbean cruise." Scott answered

"That's a bad idea." Logan commented, noting Jean's unusual dreams

"Darth Vader….Tatooine…ugh….large banthas…urgh…must destroy…Death Star." Jean mumbled, tossing and turning

"Ok that's it!" Rogue grumbled, walking over to Jean

"What are you doing?!" Scott asked

"Getting the darts out of the system." Rogue commented, carefully removing the tranq darts out from Jean's body

Two minutes later…

"Ah! Operation successful!" Scott boasted, as the X-Gang watched Jean sleep, now more comfortably

"How in the heck did you get all them surgical strategies?" Lance asked in astonishment

"Oh, I took that Mutant Surgeon 101 class with Hank last week. It was pretty interesting. And fun." Scott answered

"Well at least the insomnia craziness is over." Rogue remarked, stroking Jean's hair while she lightly snored

"Say, where the hell's Logan?" Kurt asked, looking around

"Death Star operational! Commence destruction of Alderaan!" Logan babbled, stumbling over the hardwood floor

"Here we go again…" Scott groaned, shooting tranq darts at Logan


End file.
